With Henchmen Like These
by iheartkatamari
Summary: Oneshot. High-kilter hilarity ensues when Mojo Jojo, desperate for help with his latest evil scheme, takes the Gang Green Gang up as assistants-a move which will henceforth be known as mistake number one.


It's a pleasant day in the city of Townsville. Deep within his volcano top observatory, the villainous Mojo Jojo is concocting another evil plan. "Yes, yes..." the evil monkey sneers schemingly as he browses his blueprints. "This will be my most brilliant plan yet!" His face suddenly falls. "But this task is to big for one person, which is to say that several people will be required in order to carry this plan out, which is to say that it will not be possible for a single solitary individual to complete it. I need help, I need assistance, I need _HENCHMEN!..._But where will I go about to procure such a necessity?"

Mojo traipses up to a nearby table and opens a phone book. "Hmm, hippopotamus trainers...horse thieves...no, no henchmen." The evil monkey slumps down in his chair, distraught. "I see that this will be harder than I had first imagined. I need some time to clear my head." And with that, Mojo slowly walks out his front door.

Strolling through Townsville Park, a still very flummoxed Mojo muses to himself, "How will I ever find anyone to assist me with my latest scheme? This is too big a job for just _one_ evil monkey!" Suddenly, he hears a voice call, "Hey, Mojo? Did we jus' hear ya say y'needed help with somethin'?" Mojo then looks up to see the Gang Green Gang standing in front of him. _I really need to stop talking to myself while walking through the park! _he thinks.

"We's availabe t'help." Ace, the owner of he voice continues.

"Duh, yeah, we help real good like." Big Billy adds.

"Bah!" Mojo scowls. "The help of you inept losers is exactly what I _don't _need at this time, which is to say that your assistance will be of no merit to me, which is to say that anything that you attempt to help with will end up being counterproductive. So, just forget it!" and with this, Mojo angrily storms off toward his lab. The gang exchange blank looks with each other. "Didja ever noticcce how that Mojo character repeatsssss hissssself a lot?" Snake whispers to little Arturo, who nods in agreement.

Inside his lab, Mojo paces back and forth impatiently. "I've got to find someone to assist me, but who?" As he passes by a table housing a small white rat in a cage, he glances at it casually. "No. Too small."As he paces in the other direction, he then passes by the Gang Green Gang(Who had somehow gotten in without him knowing). "No. Not at all." He then paces in the other direction and passes by a giant robot. "No. Too big." He then paces in the other direction and passes by the gang again. "You again? What are you nitwits even doing here?! _I SAID I WILL NOT BE NEEDING YOUR ASSISTANCE AT THIS TIME!_"

Mojo seats himself at a table, with his chin in his paw. "Hm, now perhaps I could ask one of the other villains to help, like maybe Fuzzy Lumpkins, or Femme Fatale, or-" He suddenly looks up to see the gang standing in front of him. "Us maybe?" Ace inquires. The evil monkey gives a hearty sigh. "All right, fine. It's against my better judgment, but you five are a necessary evil."

"All right! Yeah! Yay for evil!" all of the gang, save for Ace, cheer.

Ace shoots a disgusted look at his associates. "You guys don't got any brains at all, do yas?"

"Oh, hush, bossssss," Snake avidly pipes up. "Dissss isss da first time we'ssss ever been _necesssssary _fer anything!"

"Well, I suppose I can't argue with that." Ace mumbles under his breath.

Mojo leads the gang into his inventing room, which is filled with various ray guns, giant robots, and evil machines. "This is where I keep all of my inventions. Many of these items are fragile and easily broken, so please, look but don't touch."

"Wow, sweet pad ya got here, Mojo!" a very impressed Ace states, looking all around him.

"Boy howdyssss," an equally impressed Snake adds. "Wait'll th' other villains hear about ussss workin' wit' da great Mojo Jojo! They'sssss gonna be _ssssso _green wit' envyssss!" Billy casually turns to him. "Ssssay one word, an' I'll give yassss a lightsss-out wedgie!" The skinny gangster snaps indignantly.

_When I know that I could become a lights-out wedgie recipient, I assume absolute discretion._ Billy thinks.

"Oh boy," Arturo exclaims excitedly, as he climbs up on a table an attempts to pick up a small, odd-looking machine. "This place is loaded with awesomesauce!"

"Yes," Mojo replies. "But misuse of any one of these items will result in _painsauce_!"

As he reaches for the machine, Arturo begins to lose his footing and topples the table, machine and all, causing the device to fall on his head and smash. "_W-W-WHOOOOOAAAA!_ Painsauce."

Mojo shoots a disdainful scowl at the short gangster, as he slowly removes the device from his head and right himself. "Now was that really necessary and something that needed to be done?"

Arturo barely has a chance to answer, however, when Mojo hears, "Ooh! What's this?" "And this thingy here?" upon which he turns to see the gang running around his inventing room, looking at and touching everything in sight. Billy grabs up a small purple machine and begins juggling it. "Ooh, _cool_! What's dis do? Is it fragile?" He then promptly drops it on the floor. "Oops," he blushes. "Guess it was."

Snake nabs a blaster ray from another nearby table. "Say, thisss iss pretty sssweet-lookin'. What'ss it do?" He accidentally touches a button and shoots a laser blast through Mojo's roof. "Oopssss. My bad."

Arturo races over to a large silver machine with a keypad full of glowing, multicolored buttons and presses several of them. "Hey, what's this button do? And this one? And this one? And this one? And this one?" The machine promptly crackles, fizzes, then explodes. "Oops. I gots ta be more careful."

"_WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU OBTUSE IDIOTS ABOUT TOUCHING MY INVENTIONS?!_" an irate Mojo bellows.

"Uh...don't?" Billy replies.

"Right. So now, if you nitwits will sit quietly I shall tell you my plan." Mojo replies. The gang sit obediently in the center of the floor. "Now, we shall be entering the Townsville bank after nightfall and attempt to break into the safe..."

As Mojo is elaborating on this, Billy turns casually to Arturo and makes a goofy face. Arturo then responds with a weird face of his own, upon which Billy responds with another. Ace half stifles a laugh. "Mmph! Ssh!" Grubber then makes an even weirder face at them. "Mm! Ssshh, we'sss gonna get in troublesss!" Snake whispers. As Grubber, Arturo, and Billy continue making goofy faces at each other, Ace and Snake join in; the whole gang begin laughing raucously. "HA HA HEE HEE HOO HOO HAW HAW!"

"_I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU MORONS TO BE QUIET AND LISTEN!" _Mojo bellows loudly, his mouth wide open.

The gang then promptly sit still. "Uhm, sorry, Mojo." Ace replies sheepishly.

"We wassss havin' a weird faccccce contest, but it'ssss over now." Snake notes.

"You won." Arturo adds.

The evil monkey gives a hearty sigh. "It's going to be a long day..."

Evening falls; Mojo and the gang stand outside the Townsville bank's main vault with Snake piloting a giant laser blaster. "Now, here is what I would like for you to do," Mojo addresses Snake. He motions toward a large red button on the machine's control panel. "When I give the signal, press this button."

"Ssssure thing, Mojo."

"Excellent! Now, I shall show you where to aim the laser." the evil monkey then traipses over to the vault and motions toward the dial. "Here is where you must aim the laser, which is to say that the dial is your target, which is to say that if you fire anywhere else, the vault will not open."

As Mojo is elaborating on this, a fly flitters down and lands on the red button. Snake quickly takes a flyswatter out of his shorts pocket(1). "Hacki-Sacki!" He then quickly swishes the swatter down; at the last minute, the fly buzzes away, causing Snake to hit the button hard and a laser to shoot out at Mojo. _ZZZORCH!_

Billy sniffs the air. "Hmm, I smell barbecued monkey."

"I'm not well." a charred Mojo wheezes, as he collapses to the ground.

The group returns to the bank moments later with Ace piloting a giant wrecking ball. "Now, here is what you must do," Mojo addresses him, as he motions to a lever on the machine's side. "When I say, 'Now', pull this lever, which is to say that if you do not hear me say the word, 'Now', you must not pull the lever, which is to say that it will be too early to pull the lever if you do not hear that word, which is to say that if you hear any words other that 'Now', you must not, repeat, not pull that lever."

"Yeesh, a'right, Mojo, I got it!" the Gang Green Gang leader replies impatiently. "Y'ain't talkin' to a dweeb here."

"That's...debatable." the evil monkey mumbles under his breath. Mojo then traipses over to the vault to show Ace where to aim the wrecking ball, upon which Billy happens up to him. "Duh, say Mojo, can I ask youse a question, please?"

"What is it now-" Mojo has barely said these words when the wrecking ball smashes him up against the safe. "Now, wait just a min-" the wrecking ball then smashes him again. "Now-" he gets smashed again. "Ow!" he gets smashed yet again. "Hey, I didn't even say 'Now' that time, I said, 'Ow!'" he then gets smashed again.

"Huh? What happened?" a curious Ace peeks around the side of the machine and gasps at the sight of the disheveled Mojo flattened against the vault. "Yikes, ooh, sorry, Mojo."

Arturo traipses up to Mojo. "You okay?"

"Painsauce..." the evil monkey groans weakly.

"He's fine." Billy replies.

The group returns to the bank a bit later with a machine housing what looks like an enormous gold-colored satellite dish. "Hey, cool, Mojo," Snake observes. "Ya'sss oughta be able ta get a _ton _a channelsss on dissss!"

"This isn't a satellite dish, you goon," Mojo snaps sharply. "This dish is an amplifier which has the ability to magnify the tiniest sound into a din so cacophonous that it can cause even the most fortified stronghold to crumble!" The gang stare at him blankly. "Big dish make big boom." Mojo says. "Ohhh." the gang reply.

"It is a wonder that any of you can tie your shoes." Mojo scowls sourly.

"They're _velcro_." Billy replies confidently, motioning toward his sneakers(2).

"He's gotcha there." Arturo replies.

The evil monkey gives an exasperated sigh. "Just remember, do not do anything until I give the signal."

"Ssssure thing, Mojo." Snake obliges.

"Thbbtht." Grubber raspberries.

"Yeah, what he said!" Arturo notes.

"Excellent." As Mojo traipses over toward the vault, Billy seats himself behind the machine, takes a small lunch box out of his jeans pocket, opens it up, takes out a sandwich, and begins munching on it. The sound of his chewing promptly becomes magnified by the amplifier, _**CRUNCH! CHOMP! CRUNCH! CHOMP! CRUNCH! **_and causes the whole room to reverberate.

Mojo suddenly becomes aware of a rumbling sound coming from above him and looks up in horror to see a large stone slab above the vault door about to fall on him. "Perhaps I should move." Unfortunately, he isn't able to get out of the way before the slab flattens him. _GRUNTCH!_

A look of shock crosses Billy's face as he observes this. "Ooh," he says dolefully. "I done a bad thing."

"I'm in extreme pain." Mojo groans.

The group returns moments later with Arturo piloting another large blaster ray machine. "Now, listen carefully," Mojo addresses him. "This is a freeze ray, which is to say that it is a ray that shoots out icy blasts, which is to say that it shoots out a freezing ray that turns things into ice, which is to say that it encases the item of your choosing in ice."

"There he goes wit' that repeatin' stuff again!" Ace whispers to Grubber, who nods in agreement.

"Now, just as before," The evil monkey continues. "Do not do anything until I give you the signal."

"With pleasure, Mojo." Arturo replies.

"Good. I shall now show you the target point of the vault." Mojo then traipses over to the vault door. As Arturo waits patiently for the signal, he begins to grow bored. He yawns and casually leans his elbow on the machine's control panel; unfortunately, he had accidentally placed his elbow on the trigger button, which causes Mojo to get hit with an icy blast. _KA-PWOWW!_

"Huh?" Arturo looks up curiously upon hearing the sound; a look of shock crosses his face when he observes Mojo encased in ice. "Ohmigosh! Sorry, Mojo."

The frozen Mojo slowly collapses to the ground, causing the ice to shatter off of him. "Ah, yes..." he groans. "This is a pain that's going to linger..."

The group returns shortly thereafter seated in a large drill machine outside the bank, which Ace is piloting. "All right," Mojo grumbles. "Here is a plan that even _you _nitwits can't botch up(Although I sincerely doubt this). We shall drill _under _the bank, thus gaining much easier and possibly more immediate access to the money inside." He turns to Ace. "Ready?"

"Sure."

"Then, let's _go_!" Upon these words, Ace pulls a lever on the control panel which shifts the machine into gear and begins tunneling under the ground. After digging for some time, the machine resurfaces in a dark room. "Hmm, I think we'sss losssst." Snake notes.

"Ah, not to worry," Mojo replies. "This machine comes equipped with a state-of-the art illumination system."

"Eh, no need t'go ta that trouble," Ace replies. "Might as well jus' light a good ol'-fashioned match." He takes a book of matches out of his jacket pocket and strikes one. "Hmm," he muses, scouting the room. "Wonder where all da money's hid."

"Duh, maybe it's behind all of them fireworks, boss." Billy replies.

"You idiots, we're in the wrong place!..." Suddenly, Mojo realizes what Billy has just said. "_FIREWORKS_?!" The evil monkey observes with horror that they've tunneled into the Townsville fireworks factory! He turns to Ace, "Be careful with that match, whatever you do!"

"Good idea, Mojo. Maybe I'd better get rid a' it." Ace then tosses the match away, upon which it catches the fuses of a large number of fireworks. A woeful look crosses Mojo's face. "Why me? Why always me?" he simpers. The gang are able to scurry back into the machine safely, but Mojo unfortunately isn't quite fast enough and gets caught up in the _**BWA-BWAAAAAAAAAST!**_

As dawn breaks the next morning, the gang return to Mojo's observatory. Ace knocks on the door, "Say Mojo, would you like any more help?"

"Yeah, 'cause we'ssss available fer more." Snake adds.

When they hear no answer, the gang share perplexed looks with each other. "Thbbt?" Grubber inquires.

"You're right, Grubber, he ain't answerin'." replies Arturo.

"Duh, y'don't s'pose he's still mad at us, do ya?" wonders Billy.

This inquiry in promptly answered when Mojo suddenly appears in the doorway, pointing a massive laser at the gang. "He's still mad." Ace replies dolefully.

"_RUN!_" the gang exclaim as they quickly take to their heels.

Meanwhile, in the skies above them, the Powerpuff Girls are flying home after patrolling the city, looking for crimes. "I'm so glad everything's been pleasant in town." Blossom observes happily.

"Yeah," replies an equally cheerful Bubbles. "Everyone's safe and everything's peaceful."

"Not a crime to be found." adds Buttercup.

_So, once again...well...yeah._

Voice Cast

Mojo Jojo-Roger L. Jackson

Ace/Grubber/Big Billy-Jeff Glen Bennett

Snake-Tom Kenny

Little Arturo-Jeff Garcia

Blossom-Cathy Cavadini

Bubbles-Tara Strong

Buttercup-E.G. Daily

(1)Wow, he certainly is crazy prepared!

(2)It is a bit surprising that Billy could _see _his feet.


End file.
